"Within a family system parents and children have distinct jobs.
Parents: boundaries, validation,empathy.
Children: express feelings and desires."
- Dr. Becky
A real life example: Today, one of my sons was feeling very frustrated as he didn’t like the lunch I cooked. He wanted to eat outside after swimming, but his father had already decided from beforehand that there would be no eating out today. He stayed upset all the way home.
I chose to validate his feelings and told him, “I’ll cook any dish you’d like at home.” Of course, it wasn’t what he truly wanted, so he wasn’t happy at first. But once we reached home, he said, “Fine, I’ll have pasta.” I cooked pasta for him—and finally, I saw a smile on his face because he loved it.
When children are overwhelmed, they cannot think straight or listen to reason. What they need most in those moments is for us to remain calm and help them through the difficulty. The teaching part can always come later, once they are calm.
The best way to guide our children is by being loving while staying firm! ❤️
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